sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
