you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
