remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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