Yo dont text me then not text me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
