Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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