just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
