even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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