I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
