dude i'm inner monologue high
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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