So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
