Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
