i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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