on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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