tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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