We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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