just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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