My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
