then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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