i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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