I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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