ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i permit you to call me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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