I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
