Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
