I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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