you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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