wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
