There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
