it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he thought i was a dude.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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