I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
