I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
