The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize