just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
