he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
soo... how was my night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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