I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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