just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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