M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
