..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
