A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
