Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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