We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
