It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
