I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
