I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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