Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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