you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
