what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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