I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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