Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
