we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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