Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize