To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
