Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm like, not good at living.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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