You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
