A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Never let your siblings swipe right.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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