Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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