She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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