have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
