my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize