So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
