Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
