Are we in a gay sports bar?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
