If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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