But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
