Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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