The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
