i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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