the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize