we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
