Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
