I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
