I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
