I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
