Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
