I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
