Your mouth is God's brothel.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he was CRYING into my vagina
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
