Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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