im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
