Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
