Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
