You're my little dorito
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
false alarm, still single
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
