It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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