Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
