OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
