Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize