There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
