I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
