You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
