with your own penis?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize