i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
