seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
