did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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