I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
