i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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