Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
