I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
