I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
