the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm too high and old for this...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
