Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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