I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Bring me that man meat
I need a hoe opinion
go on
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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