Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
