Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
