you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
