dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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