I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
